This has been a rough week. Not for Owen. Not for James. But for me. I spent Monday preparing myself and my heart for Tuesday. And Tuesday was heartbreaking. The rest of the week was spent making up for Tuesday.
Yep, I started back to work. Well, actually, I started back last week, but this was the first week that I actually spent a day AT work. See, I am working a flexible part-time schedule - 10 hours/week in the office and 10 hours at home. And on Tuesday morning, my first day away from Owen, my heart ached as I kissed him goodbye. It was the first day in almost 9 weeks that I was going to be apart from him for more than a couple hours. I spent the whole drive to work in tears.
Fortunately for us, James also works at a wonderful place that allows him a flexible work schedule, too. He can work from home for one day one week, and have the same day off the next week. That means that James now either works from home or is off every Tuesday, which allows him to take care of Owen while I spend that same day AT work.
So although I was relieved that James was home...and I had full confidence that Owen was being extremely well-cared-for and loved...and Owen did come see me for lunch (something we'll do every week for nursing purposes and to minimize how much I pump!)...nevertheless, my heart still broke. The tears still ran. And the need for 4:30 to come quickly was overwhelming!
It amazed me just how much I missed him...just how much I ached for him. In that one day, I saw just how much I have come to need him, not just be needed by him. Driving into the garage that evening never felt so sweet!
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